On Women and Bad Sex.- OluBunmi Layode

2 July 11, 2017 By Dang

I think that we women are the architects of a bad sex life if we don’t have a good sex life. In the bid to form good girl or in a bid to massage a man’s ego, we pretend that we are enjoying his moves and are having orgasms. Lack of knowledge is a killer. I did not know that the fact that I did not orgasm from penetrative sex was common with a lot of women. I thought that I had issues. So, I would fake orgasms so that the man would think he was Mandingo.

Then I met [my husband] and decided to not fake it with this new man. And we lived happily ever after – well at least before pre-menopause came and took my shine away.

Listen sister.

Most women do NOT orgasm from penetrative sex alone. You are not alone. You don’t have issues. You are not weird in not being able to orgasm from penetration alone. Some stats even put the number of women who orgasm from penetrative sex to be only around 30%. If you want to be true, as a woman, you know. But shame and patriarchy won’t let us admit it. We will keep faking it and faking it and keep suffering rubbish sex.




Oral sex, nipple stimulation, clitoral stimulation, masturbation are what brings most women to orgasm in conjunction with penetrative sex. And a lot of women, because of our upbringing, are too scared or too ashamed to tell our partners what we REALLY need.

Woman, let your man know in a subtle, seductive way what you need. Don’t be a school headmistress, barking out instructions to him but encourage him when he hits the spot. If he is not doing it right, gently move his hand or mouth or whatever away. And if you are worried about how he will receive this new knowledge, you could do some role play. Let him think it is play-play.

Man, listen to your woman’s spoken and unspoken language. If she says she would like something different, it is not because she is a prostitute, it is not because she is getting it from outside, it is because she wants to experience greater joy in your arms. She wants you to be that man that satisfies all her sexual desires.




I read about a woman whose husband does not satisfy her sexually and refuses to satisfy her. Do you blame him? When the guy has gotten used to years of not satisfying her and with her consent, how do you expect him to suddenly change? The foundation is faulty na.

The earlier we stop deceiving ourselves, pretending to be having orgasms only to go and finish ourselves off secretly, the sooner we will enjoy more intimacy in our relationships.
It has even been said that the vagina is not anatomically capable of orgasm. Google it. You will find tons of info online. Google is your friend.

Let us be true to ourselves. And then, be true to our partners too. Here’s to a fantastic sex life. Cheers!

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